Red Rose Gone Black
by VampireFace13
Summary: The boys leave for Hollywood and leave their best friend behind. For the first couple of months they all keep in touch until one of them becomes "too busy" to keep in touch. I suck at summaries but it's really good.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My best friend Rachel and I were walking down the street to our houses when she got a call. I was listening to my music and didn't hear a word she was saying but I could tell by the expression on her face that she was extremely excited about what the person on the other line was saying. I smiled slightly at her but it quickly disappeared when I faintly heard three words I never wanted to hear: Big Time Rush. I picked up my pace and walked as fast as I could so that I could get away from those awful words that I had grown to hate. I heard footsteps coming up from behind me and I sped up my pace. It was just Rachel and when she caught up to me she said, "Sakura, I got front row tickets and backstage passes to go see Big Time Rush and I am taking you with me!"

"I don't want to go. I mean I don't like them and besides I don't want to hear a bunch of screaming girls anyway," I remarked while gently stroking my marred wrists under my arm warmers.

She laughed and said, "You used to be friends with them. I mean everyone in the whole town knows that but about four months after they left you got all depressed and started wearing darker clothing. You're all depressed now and the only people that made you smile were those four boys. What happened between you guys?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Ok?" I told her in a very harsh voice every word dripping with venom.

"Ok, well what will it take to get you to go with me?" she asked while pulling me through the front door of her beautiful home and into her room.

I sat down at her desk and said, "Homework for four months and you have to stop taking about James for four months."

She nodded her head and agreed with a, "Deal."

I smiled slightly before my face went back to its usual state. I was pulling my gloves up when Rachel noticed and asked, "Why do you wear those things? It's like ninety degrees out and you are wearing arm warmers and a jacket. What is up with that?"

I shook my head as if to say nothing and said, "I will see you the night of the concert. Don't forget to text me when it is, ok?"

After I said that, I left for my house which was right next door. When I got there, I ran up the stairs to my room and sat down at my desk in the corner of my biggish room. I turned my laptop on and went to type an e-mail to Logan. I told him that I was going to be at their concert and that I wasn't going to talk to Kendall. He emailed back immediately and told me that he told Carlos and James and that they are excited to see me. He also said that I should tell them what I was going to wear so that they could look for me.

I smiled at his message and decided to call him. The phone rang twice before he answered. (Phone conversation S= Sakura and L= Logan)

L: Hello?

S: Hey, Logie! How are you?

L: Good and you?

S: Ok I guess but I kinda don't want to go to your concert. I mean I miss you guys but I don't want to see Kendall after all he won't talk to me anymore.

L: I know but you'll have fun and we miss you too. You have backstage passes right?

S: Yeah, I have backstage passes but I don't want to talk Kendall. I mean after all he has done to me, there is no way I am going to talk to him.

L: We don't expect you to talk to him but you can hang out with me, James and Carlos. We will make sure you don't have to talk to him and keep you entertained with something.

S: Thanks for understanding. I just don't want a repeat of what he already did ya know? I mean I told you about the um… uh…

L: Yeah you told me about the….. cutting problem that you have and even though I don't approve of it I understand why you do it.

S: I just wish that there was a way to stop. I mean it wouldn't have happened if he would have kept in contact with me. Anyway, I got to go but I will talk to you at the concert. Thanks for the talk I really needed it. Bye.

L: Ok, I guess I will talk to you soon. Anytime you need to talk just let me know. I am always here for you and so are James and Carlos. Bye.

I hung up the phone and smiled to myself because I knew what Logan said was true. I went down the stairs and yelled, "Bye Mom. I am going out to look for clothes with Rachel."

I left the house before my mother could respond and texted Rachel to meet me at my car in two minutes. She responded with an ok and was at my car in twenty seconds. We got in my car and drove towards the mall. When we got to the mall, Rachel headed for Forever Twenty-one while I headed for Hot Topic. When I got to Hot Topic, I went straight for the band t-shirts. I found an old My Chemical Romance t-shirt in my size and I slung it over my arm and went to go find more clothes. I found some arm warmers and put them on my pile and then I found a black hoodie. Once I was done, I put my items on the register and paid for my clothes. When I was done with that, I exited the store and headed for Sephora. Upon my arrival there, I grabbed black eyeliner, black mascara, and black eye shadow. As soon as I had what I needed, Rachel walked up to me and asked, "Are you seriously going to wear black to the concert?"

"Yeah, I am. I thought you would have been used to it by now but I guess not," I remarked taking major attitude.

She just shook her head and responded with a, "Yeah, well I'm not and do you know why? Because you used to act different before the guys left."

"Oh yeah 'cause you know that it's my fault that after they left one of them stopped talking to me!" I yelled and everyone in the entire store stared at us.

I ignored the looks I was getting from everyone and walked up to the register. I paid for my makeup and left the store. I went over to a wall and slid down it feeling emotion take over. I could feel tears burning in the back of my eyes. I got up from the ground and made my way to my car.

Once I got to my car, I got in it but texted Rachel that I was waiting for her in the car. She showed up seconds later and slammed the door of my car. We didn't talk the whole way to our homes. I pulled into the driveway and Rachel got out. I watched her from my car seeing her brown hair swishing from side to side as she headed for home. I sighed and got out of the car.

I walked slowly up to my house and ran quickly up the stairs. As I was running up the stairs I was putting my black hair blue and red streaked hair in a pony tail. When I got to the top of the stairs, I ran into my room and went into my closet where I kept my cutting kit. I grabbed out my razor blades and walked into the bathroom with the rest of the kit. I took off my jacket and arm warmers and put the blade to the skin of my left wrist. I slid it across my skin and watched my blood drip into the sink. I slit one more on the same wrist and watched more of my blood drop on to the porcelain surface. I did the same with my other wrists and let the pain of Kendall not talking to me ooze into the sink along with my blood.

I rinsed my wrists and felt them burn. As I was rinsing them I glanced up into the mirror and saw my blue eyes glazed over with pain and suffering. I wrapped up my wrists and went to go get dressed for bed. Once I was dressed for bed, I put my iPod in my iHome and turned on some Fall Out Boy and crawled under the sheets of my bed. After I was situated in my bed, I fell into a deep sleep.

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><p>Leave comments, rate and no bad comments only good ones. Thanks-A<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I do not nor will I ever own Big Time Rush.

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

I awoke the next morning to my phone going off. It was alerting me that I had a new text. I flipped myself onto my side and reached for my phone on the side table by my bed. I opened the phone and saw that it was a text from James. I read it quickly but had to re-read it because he used so much text and I couldn't understand it. I was used to texting Logan who used proper spelling and punctuation unlike what I had just read. (Text conversation S=Sakura and J=James)

J: Hey wat u wearing to da concert?

S: I am going to be wearing black converse with purple laces, a grey My Chemical Romance t-shirt, black skinny jeans, black arm warmers, a black hoodie and black make up.

J: Wow! Dat's a lot of black.

S: I know but that's all I wear now a days. You would be shocked if you saw my hair too.

J: Wat did u do 2 your hair?

S: Well it's always been black as you know but I put blue and red streaks in it.

J: U ruined your perfect hair?"

S: My hair was never perfect plus I feel like a whole new person and people say that I have changed since you guys left so why not add to the changes.

J: U could have kept your hair da same though.

S: Yeah but I didn't want to and now I feel so much better. I feel like maybe I can start over. I just want to forget the past but that's kind of hard to do when I am being forced to go to your stupid concert.

J: It's not stupid plus your going 2 have a ball. I promise dat we will make 2night a night dat u will never 4get.

S: Yeah well I am not talking to Mr. I-am-to-busy-to-communicate-with-my-best-friend and did you say that the concert is tonight?

J: Yah. Is something wrong wit dat?

S: Well no but I just didn't think that it was going to be so soon. That means that Rachel is going to be showing up soon though.

J: U still hang out wit Rachel?

S: Yeah, Jay. I do. We are best friends after all. I mean she is the only friend I have here in Minnesota. Everybody else just thinks that I am a freak and that you guys never should have hung out with me.

J: Sakura, we lov u. We would never desert you and we thought that u needed a friend 2 talk 2 and hang wit all dos years ago. We wouldn't trade u 4 ze world, k?

S: I understand but one of you already deserted me and I don't know if I can face him tonight.

J: Don't worry 'bout it. Now I am going 2 let u go so dat u cn get ready 4 ze concert.

S: Alright. Bye, Jay.

J: Bye, Sakura. See u l8r.

I sighed and threw my covers to the side. I crawled out of bed and slowly and sleepily made my way to the bathroom. I took a long shower and when I got out of the shower, I went into my room. Once I was in my room, I saw Rachel sitting on my bed. I felt my eyebrows knit together and I asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I decided to stop by and see you. Plus the concert is tonight, you have to drive us and we have to stay over night in a hotel so I will help you pack. My parents called your parents and they said that you can go so don't worry." Rachel informed me while going over to my closet.

She grabbed my black overnight bag out of my closet and started packing one of my favorite outfits which of course just happened to be black. She also put my black bikini, black flip flops and black board shorts in my overnight bag. I looked down and saw that I was still in my towel. I went to my closet and got dressed in my concert outfit. Rachel looked at me and groaned, "What did they do to you that made so depressed?"

"It's not Logan, James or Carlos's fault that I ended up like this. It's Kendall's. He stopped talking to me and I got depressed. I feel like he hates me like I don't matter to him anymore." I confessed while I looked down at my converse clad feet.

Rachel came over to me and started rubbing my back. She sighed, "I am sorry for forcing you to go. You don't have to go. I will find someone else to go. I didn't know about your past with Kendall and if I had I wouldn't have made you agree to come with me."

"It's ok. I will go with you. I want to see Carlos, James and Logan. I miss all of them. I don't get to see them now that they are famous. Now let's get ready. I will do your hair and make up but with all of the colors you like or something close to what you are going to wear." I replied while going over to my bathroom.

I grabbed all my make up and went back into my room. I set my make up on my make up table and took a seat at it. I put black mascara, black eye shadow and black eyeliner on. Then I got to work on my hair. I brushed through it and pulled my hood over my head. When I was done putting my dark make up on and doing my hair, I turned around in my seat and saw Rachel dressed in a purple party dress, black tights, black flats, a purple clutch bag, purple earrings, a black cardigan, and a black necklace. I got up out of my seat and motioned for her to sit where I had been sitting.

She sat down and I got to work on her make up. I put on her eyeliner, mascara and purple eye shadow. Once I was done with her make up, I started on her brown hair and curled it for her. After her hair and make up was done, I asked, "Are we all ready, now because we have to hit the road?"

"Yeah. We're ready to go but I will meet you in the car because I have to go get my overnight bag." She responded while heading out the door to my room.

I sighed and grabbed my overnight bag, iPod, laptop and laptop bag. I slid my laptop into it's designated bag and once I was done, I slowly walked down the stairs and grabbed my keys off of the entrance hall table. Then I headed out the front door of my house and towards my car. I had just unlocked the door of my old yellow Comoro, when Rachel came running over to my car. She smiled at me and I unlocked the doors. We both opened one of the back doors and threw our overnight bags in the back seat. Once our bags were settled in the back, we both got in my car and I started heading toward Saint Paul.

It took us about two hours to get there and I still had to try and find the hotel. It took me about five minutes to find the hotel. It turned out that we were going to be staying at a Hilton hotel because Rachel's parents are so rich and can afford a hotel as expensive as a Hilton. I pulled into the parking lot and we got out of the car. Once we were out of the car, we grabbed our overnight bags out of the back seat and headed for the hotel. We went through the revolving doors and over to the front desk. Rachel checked us in and we went up to our room that was on the twentieth floor. We put our stuff in the nice and beautiful suite and I quickly grabbed my computer bag. Once I had my computer bag, we went to go to the concert.

We went back to my car and I drove us to the area where the concert was going to be held. We walked over to the long line of people standing waiting to go into the concert. I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket and started listening to my music. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I picked it up. It was a text from Logan. (L=Logan and S=Sakura)

L: Hey, Sakura. Are you at the concert, yet?

S: Yeah. We are waiting in line right now.

L: Awesome. We are just pulling into the parking lot.

S: Cool. I can't wait to see you, Logan. I miss you guys so much.

L: We miss you too and I know that the guys excluding you know who are excited to see you too.

S: Awesome. I hope you know that I probably won't like your music and I hope that that won't offend you.

L: Don't worry about it. You have never been into pop so we wouldn't expect anything less.

S: I am glad that you guys understand. I am so happy that I have friends like you that understand me as well as you do.

L: Well I may not understand what you're going through but I will always be here for you because that is what friends are for.

S: Yeah. I guess that I will see you, James and Carlos when the concert starts. I love you like a brother. Bye, Logie.

L: Alright. See you soon, Kura. Love you too but like a little sis.

Our texting ended and I went back to enjoying my precious music. As I was listening, I felt Rachel grab my wrist and pull me up in the line. I looked over and saw that we were almost to the front of the line. I hadn't realized how much time had past put evidently a lot of time must have past. I paused my music and took my headphones off. She handed me my backstage pass and my ticket and we entered the arena. Once there, we made our way to our front row seats. I sat down in my seat and put my headphones back on my ears. I pressed the play button on my iPod and started listening to my music and jamming out. I hadn't even been listening to my music for very long when I heard an announcer yell, "It is my pleasure to introduce to you, Big Time Rush!"

I sighed but stayed in my seat not wanting to get up. I grabbed out my laptop out of my computer bag and started writing in my journal. I could feel two eyes staring at me the entire time I was writing. I didn't look up but I grabbed my noise cancelling headphones out of my bag and quickly swapped them for my small headphones. I kept typing away and waited for the concert to finally be over.

When the concert was finally over, I put my laptop back in my bag and headed for backstage with Rachel. Once we got over there, we showed the security man our passes and he let us backstage. I walked in with Rachel and went to go sit on the couch. I sat there staring off into space and was thinking about what would happen when the guys saw me. I was quickly snapped out of my thought when, I heard the guys yell, "Kura, we are so glad that you came to the concert. We get to hang out and stuff."

"Yeah." I replied.

They looked at me funny and it was then that I noticed that Kendall was standing there. I got up out of my seat and ran to find a bathroom or something. Once I found the bathroom, I went in and closed the door behind me. I slid down the door and realized that I was in pain. I felt myself crying and soon a knock was heard on the door. I sniffled and squeaked, "Hello?"

"Can I come in?" asked Logan.

I got up off the ground and slowly opened the door. Logan pulled me into a hug and was slowly moving his hands up and down my back in soothing circles. I smiled a little and wiggled my way out off his arms. I looked at him and he asked, "What were you writing when we were singing?"

"I was writing in my journal. It helps me to get out my feelings and I was writing about seeing you guys for the first time and wishing that I hadn't come because seeing Kendall was the worst thing for me." I confessed to him while looking down at my converse clad feet as if they were the most God damned interesting things in the world.

Logan chuckled a little and pushed me back in the bathroom. He grabbed some toilet paper and wet it a bit. He handed it to me and I gave him weird look until I saw my reflection. My make had pooled under my eyes. I took the toilet paper and swiped it under my eyes. Once I looked fine, I opened the door slightly to make sure no one was watching and walked out of the bathroom. Logan shortly followed after me and we made our way back to our friends. When Kendall saw me, he looked me up and down and remarked, "This can't be the girl we left behind in Minnesota two years ago."

"Sorry to burst your bubble but it is and she wasn't always like this until some bad stuff happened in her life," I spat while practically feeling the venom drip from my words.

Logan, Carlos, James and Rachel came to stand next to me and Kendall said, "What happened to you?"

I mumbled, "My parents getting a divorce, my mom getting remarried and you."

I was lucky he didn't understand what I had said because his eyebrows furrowed and he said, "Can you repeat that?"

I shook my head and looked down at my shoes. I felt four pairs of arms wrap around me and Logan asked, "Kendall, she doesn't want to talk to you right now so why don't you do us all a favor and leave?"

I heard retreating footsteps and I slowly let out a breath that I didn't know that had been holding in. I looked down at my hands and started rubbing my marred wrists. Someone grabbed my wrists and commanded, "Let me see your wrists!"

I shook my head and tried to squirm out of everybody's arms. It didn't work and the grip around my wrists got tighter. I felt the material on my arms being pulled off. I closed my eyes, not wanting to look Logan in the eyes when he saw what I had done to my wrists. I frowned when I heard everyone gasp in shock. I felt someone lift my head up and my deep blue eyes were met with the worried green eyes of . She frowned at me and questioned, "What the hell did you do to your wrists?"

"Well I started cutting myself after my mother got remarried to Michael and after Kendall stopped talking to me. It's not the big of a deal. I can stop anytime I want," I answered while over at Logan who was looking at the green eyed, guilty faced blond monster in the corner of the room.

Her eyes glanced over at her son and she yelled, "Kendall, why did you stop talking to Kura?"

I started squirming where I was standing and he screamed, "I stopped talking to her because I was too busy!"

I felt my blood pressure rising and I grabbed my arm warmers from Logan. I was shoving the gloves back on as I bolted out of the room. I ran down the hall trying to find an exit so that I could avoid the awkward conversation. I kept running until I found an exit. Once I found the exit I ran to my car. I locked myself in my car and sat there thinking about stupid assholic Kendall. My mind kept reverting to the fact that Kendall had said that he was too busy but Logan, James, and Carlos weren't too busy to talk to me but somehow he was. It made no sense. I don't see how they could keep in touch with me but he couldn't. It all just seemed so illogical. I groaned and grabbed out my laptop out of my computer bag and started writing down my thoughts on the subject matter.

Soon there was a tap on the driver side window of my car. I looked over and saw Kendall standing there. I glared at him at him and pointed down to the locked door. He frowned and I smirked. I went back to my laptop and started typing away again when I heard another tap on the other side of the car. I glanced over at the window and saw Logan standing there. I reached over and unlocked the passenger side door and he got in the car locking the door behind him. I smiled a little at him which didn't happen very often. He smiled his signature crooked smile and said, "Kendall is like really sorry he caused you to cut and sorry that he stopped talking to you."

"Well he can shove it because I hate his guts now and i don't think that he is truly sorry!" I yelled while closing my laptop and facing Logan.

He looked me straight in the eyes and responded, "Well he came out here just to see if you were OK. He truly cares about you and is worried about your health. He told me tht he is afraid that his best friends since you guys were in diapers is going to kill herself. He can't stand the fact that if you keep cutting that you are going to die."

I sighed and told him, "I don't see why he would care about me because I don't matter to him. He had to of stopped talking to me for a reason and I would like to know his reasoning. I loved him, Logan and he never noticed me. He was too busy with other girls to realize that he had someone who really really liked him right in front of him."

I hadn't realized I was crying until I felt something wet hit my hand. I reached a hand up to my face and noticed that my face was now stained with my tears mixed with makeup. The passenger door opened and someone got out of the car and someone else got in. I didn't even glance up to see who it was. I just put my head in my hands and continued to cry. I didn't like to cry in public but I was hurting and needed some release. I felt someone's hand on my back and I looked over and saw Rachel. I smiled at her and wiped my eyes really fast and drove off towards the hotel.

When we got to the hotel, we headed upstairs to our room. Once we got to our room Rachel suggested that we go swimming. I agreed to go with her and went through my overnight bag. I pulled it out and went to the bathroom to change. I quickly change and took the little bit of make up left on my face off. Once I was done, I left the bathroom and put my board shorts on over my black and white zigzag bottoms and i put my flip flops on. When I was ready to head down I saw Rachel dressed in her purple pansy bathing suit with matching board shots and flip flops. Upon being ready to go, We went down to the pool. Once we got to the beautiful oasis, I went over to a pool chair and sat down with my music blasting in my ears.

I had been sitting in the chair for quite a while when suddenly a ginormous shadow loomed over me. I looked up and saw Logan, Carlos, James and, he-who-shall-not-be- named. I glared at him and asked, "What are you guys doing here?"

"We are staying at this hotel for a few days and why aren't you in the pool,Missy?" demanded Logan.

"Well um... I would rather sit by the pool is all. Is there a problem with that?" I questioned while taking my headphones off.

They all shrugged while they watched me put my iPod away. James and Kendall lunged forward and grabbed my limbs. I was squirming in their grasp and yelled, "My cell is in my front left pocket and I would appreciate it if it didn't get wet. So could you PLEASE PUT ME DOWN!"

Kendall just reached into my front left pocket and tossed my phone to Logan. I glared at Kendall and the next thing I knew my body was breaking through the surface of the warm water. I felt myself slowly being dragged below the surface. I swam towards the surface and screamed, " Y'all are assholes. I hate you except for Logan and Carlos 'cause you guys really didn't do anything."

They all laughed and I slowly made my way to the side of the pool. I pulled myself out of the water and looked down at my red and burning wrists. Kendall crouched down beside me and asked, "Was I really the one that caused you to cut?"

I simply nodded my head and got up off the ground. I went back over to my seat and sat down quietly. Shortly after I sat down my phone buzzed and I looked at Logan. He handed it to me and I saw that it was a text from my mom.(M=Mom, K=Kura)

M: Hey Sweetie. How was the concert?

K: OK, I guess. I mean I saw the jackass and well he found out about my... never mind.

M: Your what?

K:Ummmm.. well I um... started cutting?

M:Honey, I thought everyone knew that? You started when Kendall stopped talking to you right?

K: Yeah,Mom. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I thought that you would have been mad but i can stop anytime, I swear.

M: I know and I'm not mad at you; I am mad at Kendall for doing this to my baby. By the way I want you to go to the dancing studio over there tomorrow.

K:OK, I can do that. Thanks for understanding. Logie, Carlitos and Jamie say hi. I got to go though. Bye, Mom.  
>M: Bye, Honey. Tell them I said, "Hi!: back and I will see you tomorrow.<p>

K:See you tomorrow.

I put my phone back in my pocket and said, "I am going to go back up. I gotta wake up early. I have to head somewhere early."

The guys nodded their heads and I dried off the rest of the way before leaving to go up to the room. Once I got up to the room, I changed out of my bikini and into my pajamas. As soon as I was ready for bed, I went over to one of the beds and quickly fell asleep.

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><p>Leave comments, rate and no bad comments only good ones. Thanks-A<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

I do not nor will I ever own Big Time Rush.

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

The next morning when I woke up, I quickly ran to the bathroom and turned the shower on. I got undressed and took my shower. When I got out, I got dressed in a blue top, black yoga pants and black converse. Once I was done getting dressed, I left a note for Rachael telling her that I was going to the dance studio and wouldn't be back until later but if she wanted to she could stop by. I grabbed my overnight bag and my green computer bag that had my laptop, phone, iPod and headphones in it. Once I had everything I needed, I grabbed a key to the hotel room and my car keys.

I went down to the lobby and grabbed an apple out of the fruit basket on the front desk for their guests. I headed out of the lobby and to my car. I put my stuff in the back seat and headed for the dance studio. It took me like ten minutes to get to the dance studio and when I got there, I grabbed my overnight bag and my iPod out of the back of my car. Then I locked my car and headed into the building. I went straight to the private room that my mom and Michael rent out for me. When I entered the room, I plugged my iPod in the iHome that the studio provide. I picked an r and b song on my iPod and started dancing.

I had to have been in there for at least an hour and when I was finished dancing to the last song on my playlist, I heard clapping. I looked up and saw Logan, Carlos, James, Kendall and Rachael standing in the room. I cocked my head to the side and asked, "How long have you guys been standing there?"

Logan spoke up and replied, "Long enough to know that you are an amazing dancer. Why didn't you tell us?"

Rachel spoke for me, "Her mother made her take dance lessons when she was a kid and she grew to love but she thought it was embarrassing so she kept it a secret. She won't even go to school dances because she thinks that the girls at school will make fun of her plus she doesn't want to show off but her mom and I have told her that it is not showing off if it is something that you love to do. She doesn't listen though. She is about as stubborn as Kendall."

Everyone laughed and I pushed past them so that I could change out of my sweaty clothes. I went to go find the bathroom that was just down the hall from the dance room that I was in. I found the bathroom and got dressed in black lace tank top, skinny jean shorts, black converse, black arm warmers, silver heart earrings, silver Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows necklace, and black sunglasses. Once I was done getting dressed, I went back to the dance room that my mother rents for me once a month. When I got back the room, I felt my friends eyes on me and Logan exclaimed, "There's our dancing girl! We were wondering where you had gone to."

"I had to change. Those clothes were all sweaty. So um.. you're not going to tell anybody that I can dance?" I asked while looking down at my converse clad feet.

"We kinda already did. We told Gustavo because he kept telling us that he wanted a female back up dancer for us. He told us that you have to audition but we are positive that you are going to get it!" yelled Carlos while jumping up and down with excitement.

I looked up at them with wide eyes and screamed, "You did what?"

Logan noticed the look on my face and moved to get closer to me. Before he could even get close to me, I took off running down the hall and back to the safety of my car. When I got to my car, I sat there for a while and grabbed my iPod and Invader Zim headphones out of my green computer bag. I turned Asking Alexandria on and sat there listening to them and trying to calm myself down. It worked and I could feel myself getting less angry. There was a knock on my window and I turned to see Kendall. I unlocked the door and he came in. I smiled shyly at him and questioned, "What do you want?"

There wasn't any venom on my words like there usually was because I was so calm. He must have noticed because his eyes got pretty big and he responded, " I came out here to check on you. I was worried about you. I still care about you and I know that you are going to ask this but Jo deleted your number form my phone and blocked it. She also deleted you from my contacts on facebook and blocked you on both."

"Why would she do that. I mean there is no way that she could possibly be threatened by me. I am not attractive and I haven't seen you in years. i don't even like you're band," I admitted while I sat there staring at my dusty dashboard.

I felt my chin being lifted up and my head being swung toward Kendall. His emerald eyes met my turquoise eyes and he said, "Kura, you are plenty pretty. I am sure you will find a guy for you sometime soon. You're a great girl and as for not liking my band, I at least want you to give us a try. Can you keep a secret? Wait who am I kidding of coarse you can. I am thinking of breaking up with Jo. She keeps trying to control everything I do plus she doesn't trust me when I am on the road."

On the inside I was kinda happy that he was going to break up with his girlfriend but on the outside I responded, "Kenny, you deserve to be with someone who trusts you when you are on tour and someone who won't control everything you do. You will find her eventually, I promise."

Kendall smiled and we hugged. It felt nice to know that he was there to hold and care for me. It was almost as if wee were best friends again and we were back in our hometown. i missed all the fun times tat we had together like skateboarding although I always fell off the board and hockey, which I sucked at. I smiled slightly at him but I was still kind of emotionless or desensitised I guess. I hadn't seen Kendall in so long and I knew that eventually he was going to start asking me some tough questions. By the time that thought was thought, Kendall and I pulled apart and the questioning began. (Questioning: K= Kendall, S=Sakura)

K:Why did your parents get divorced?

S: They were always arguing and they decided that they didn't want to put me in the middle of their arguments. My dad left for L.A. and my mom and I stayed here. I visit my dad every summer though for about a month.

K: Oh well,why didn't you ever stop by when you visited your dad?

S: I did but I made sure you weren't home because I didn't want to talk or see you. Yesterday it was the same way, every time I see you, I flashback all the fun things we used to do together before you left. It hurts to know that we can never have that ever again. Why didn't Jo want us talking to each other? Didn't you explain to her that we're just friends.

K: Yeah,I miss that. She is very controlling and she though that you were going to take me away from her. I tried explaining to her that we were just friends but she wouldn't listen. She thinks that girl and guys can't be best friends.

S: I see. If she is that controlling than why didn't you think about dumping her sooner?

K: I thought that she was the love of my life but every time we kiss I don't feel anything anymore. It is time that I dump her and i don't want to say goodbye to her just yet but it's time for me to let her go.

S: Wise decision, Kenny. Any other questions you want to ask me?

K: Yeah. Why did you start cutting and why did you put red and blue streaks in your hair?

S: I started to hate myself after my mom got remarried because I felt like I was the reason that my parents split. Then you stopped calling, texting, answering my emails and I thought you hated me too. I started to revert to cutting and I couldn't, wouldn't stop. I got addicted to the way it felt and as for my hair, I felt like I needed to change so I started wearing dark clothing and put red and blue streaks in my hair to fit the part the girls at school thought I was. I know looking back now that it was stupid and that I shouldn't have done it.

K: So I helped cause you to cut yourself?

S: No, you just kinda helped to push me off the edge. I don't blame you. I used to but now I realized even if you hadn't pushed me off the edge this probably would be going on anyway.

K: I still feel like it is my fault. I think you should go for the audition though. Gustavo said that you will ride with us on the tour bus to the next stop on our tour and you'll audition there. I mean you have to ask your mom and we leave the day after tomorrow but still. You should go for it buddy.

"I will go for it, Kenny. I better get going, i have to drive back home and it takes awhile. Besides i have to go babysit for Mrs. Chicowski. Her kids are nuts but you have met them so you would know as well," I lied while getting out of my beater car.

Kendall nodded and we both headed into the studio side by side. We went back to the room and found he guys and Rachel sitting on the floor, talking. I smiled slightly at the sight of my best friends getting along and having a good time together. I sat down next to Rachel and asked, "Are you ready to go? I have to babysit tonight plus I promised my mom that we would be back by lunch."

"Yeah. Let's get back to the hotel and check out. Then we can hit the road," she responded while getting up off the floor.

I did the same and we both hugged the boys goodbye. We headed out to my car. Once there, I unlocked the doors and we both got in. The drive back to the hotel wasn't long and when we got there, I gave Rachel my key card. She went inside and I stayed in the car because I had all my stuff in the car already.

She wasn't in the hotel very long when she came out and we headed for home. It took about an hour for us to get back to our tiny little town. When we got back, we unpacked my car and I headed into my house. When I walked through the door, I yelled, "I'm home!"

My mother ran into the entrance hall and took my bags from me. I smiled at her and she gave me a great big hug. My stepfather walked in next and asked, "How was the concert?"

"It was good. I got to see Carlitos, Logie, Kenny, and Jamie. We had a lot of fun and I went to the dance studio and I danced for an hour. Oh and Mom, the guys got me an audition with their choreographer. They are wondering if I can go with them the day after tomorrow. I have to give them an answer so can I go, please?" I questioned while looking into my mom's piercing blue eyes.

She smiled at me and replied, "I would love it if you went with them. I will help you pack, sweetie. I am so excited for this and all these years I thought those dance classes wouldn't pay off but it looks as though your hard work has finally been rewarded."

I nodded and i started heading up the stairs to start packing a bit. I didn't know how long i was going to be staying there so I just started packing the essentials. I finished at five when dinner was ready. I had a quiet dinner with the family and when it was over, I went upstairs and started texting Logan. (Texting conversation L=Logan and K=Kura)

K: Hey my mom said that I can join you guys.

L: Sweet. I can't wait.

K: Me either. We are going to have a blast in that tour bus for the days that we are going to be stuck in it.

L: Yeah. I told the guys and they are like really excited especially Carlos. Do you wanna hang with u at the hockey rink tomorrow.

K: I wouldn't miss it for anything but I will bring my figure skates even though I am not that good at figure skating. What time do you guys want to meet up?

L: How about noon?

K: Sounds good. I will see you guys then. Love you like a brother, Logie. Night!

L:Night, Kura. Love you like a little sis. See you tomorrow! Night!

Once we finished texting, I got dressed for bed and put my iPod into my iHome. I turned Avril Lavigne on and crawled into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep.

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><p>Leave comments, rate and no bad comments only good ones. Thanks-A<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

I do not nor will I ever own Big Time you want visuals for the outfits they are on my profile and I have a Harry Potter fanfic that I am co-writing with Clovergirl900. It is under her pen name if you want to read it.

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><p>Chapter 4<p>

I woke up the next morning eleven o'clock. I bolted out out of my bed and headed straight for the shower. I took a extremely quick shower and got dressed in a black, yellow and pink plaid shirt, pale blue skinny jeans, black vans, black rose earrings, black and pink arm warmers and a black star necklace. Once I was dressed, I brushed my hair and pulled it up into a ponytail. Then I put yellow eyeshadow, black mascara and black eyeliner on. I finished quickly and went back into my room to put my figure skates and pads in my duffel bag even though I knew I probably wouldn't need the pads. I rushed out of my room and slid down the banister of our stairs. I yelled goodbye to my mother and stepfather and headed out of the front door to my car.

I unlocked my car door and got in. I started toward the local ice rink. I got there right as the clock on my dash board read twelve o'clock. I headed into the building and started to put my skates on when the guys walked out of the boys locker room. I smiled at them and yelled, "Hey, guys! So who gets me on their team?"

"You're on the shorties team,"responded James with a cocky smirk on his face.

I nodded my head and headed on the ice with Logan and Carlos. We started skating around for a bit and then the competition started. We were winning even though I wasn't really helping. I was in the goalie box because I was horrible at playing hockey but I was pretty good at guarding the goal. When the game ended, we won 20 to 19. We threw it in their faces and I screamed, "You owe us FOOOD!"

They laughed at me and we left the rink to go get food. We went to the local burger place and sat down in the booth that we always used to occupy when the boys still lived there and we were friends. I smiled as I was thinking about all the good memories we had had in the small little joint. We all ordered our food and the guys looked at me and asked, "Can we play twenty questions, please?"

They gave me their best puppy eyes and I sighed which obviously meant that I gave up. The boys exchanged looks which I knew was not a good thing especially with the smirks on their faces. (Questioning: C: Carlos, J: James, K: Kendall, L: Logan, S:Sakura)

L: So what's your favorite color now?

S:Black. Kendall, what's it like having fan girls screaming your name and telling you that they are going to marry you?

K: It's kinda creepy considering I don't know them and they are telling me that they want to marry me. How has life been here?

S: It's been ok... I guess. People here think that you guys should never have been friends with me because I'm "weird". Really it's not really a reason. The town just doesn't really like me. Anyway how has life been for you guys?

J: Well, I think it has been good but we still miss our best friend. So what made you dye your hair the way you did?

S: Well as you know in the ninth grade I dyed it black. After my parents got divorced and Kendall stopped talking to me, I decided to put blue and red streaks in it. I mean I was already depressed and I thought that a new look would help but it turns out that it didn't. So, Carlos, I heard that the apartment that you guys live in is awesome?

C: Yeah, we have a SWIRLY SLIDE! So why did you revert to cutting to relieve your pain?

The questioning went on like that for awhile but when the food came we all ignored each other and dug into our food. As I was eating, I looked up at the guys and said, "I am thinking of going back to my original hair color."

The boys all froze in mid chew and Logan stuttered, "W-what? Are you flipping s-s-serious?"

I nodded my head and shrugged my shoulders as if it wasn't a big deal. I went back to eating and the guys continued to stare at me. I ignored them and when I had finished my lunch, I payed for myself even though James and Kendall were supposed to pay but I had always been pretty independent . I didn't want to feel like I owed Kendall or James for the food which is why I paid for myself. I was about to get up and leave when Carlos exclaimed, " You can't leave!"

I smiled and sat back down in my seat and Kendall asked, "So why do you want to change your hair back to its original color?"

"Well, I just miss my auburn hair. You guys used to tell me how pretty it was but then I went and dyed it black. So I am going to dye it back," I responded while waiting for the boys to finish eating so that we get out of the restaurant.

They quickly finished and split the check up. Once the check was split up, we all got in our cars and headed for the local park. I was driving alone in my car, listening to Fall Out Boy. I was singing along to their songs, the whole way to the park; knowing that I probably sounded like a dieing walrus. I cut the engine of my car and slowly walked to the swings. Those were the only things that could cheer me up. I had a lot of fond memories in this park. I met the boys for the first time at this very same park.

Flashback...

I was six years old, sitting on the swings when a boy about my age came up and yelled, "Hey, Carrot Top!"

I stopped slowly pushing myself across the rough ground and got a scared look on my face. I was frozen where I was sitting on the swings, I was too frightened to move. I was afraid that if I were to have moved that the kid would have beaten me up even though I was a little girl and boys aren't supposed to hit girls. I braced myself for impact of a fist or something but instead I heard four voices yelling in synchronization, "Leave her alone you, jerk!"

I looked up to see four boys. They were all in my grade but I couldn't remember their names. Two of them were short and the other two were semi tall. The blond one had a leadership look in his eye and the older boy, who had been picking on me had a look of disgust on his face as he saw the four boys. He glared at the blond boy and growled, "Why don't you leave, Knight so that I can finish what I started?"

The Knight kid exchanged looks with his friends and lunged at the boy. Then the tall brunette and the one with the helmet went to help their friend. The dark haired boy stood there shaking his head and I heard him sigh. He whispered, "I really need new friends."

He then lunged forward and began helping his friends as well. It wasn't a fair fight but I didn't care as long as I wasn't going to get hurt. I still sat there wanting to leave but not being able to because I was still frozen to the swing. I tried to move but ended up falling on the ground. I gave up after that and waited for the boys to separate.

They ended up separating after the older boy walked away with a black eye, bloody nose and what appeared to be a broken boys walked over to me and asked with concern thick in their voices, "Are you alright?"

I just nodded my head and got off the ground. The boy with blond hair looked at me and excitedly said, "I'm Kendall Knight. the raven haired boy next to me is Logan and his SO short. The one fixing his hair, that's James. The one with the helmet and jumping up and do, that's Carlos. Who are you?"

Kendall ruffled Logan's hair and he glared up at him. I smiled shyly at them and replied, "My name is Sakura McMillan. I am in your class."

End Of Flashback...

From then on we were the best of friends and were hardly ever seen without each other. We had some good times and it always seemed like Kendall would come up with the perfect plans to get us all into trouble. Logan was always saying that he needed to get new friends. We would all laugh at him because we knew that he would never do that. I was smiling brightly and got snapped out of my thoughts by Kendall yelling, "Look Little Ms. Depressing is actually smiling!"

I looked over at the boys and the smile that was on my face slowly disappeared. I ran for the swings and jumped on one of them. I could feel my childhood slowly coming back as I was swinging. It felt nice and I felt a huge smile forming on my face. Someone came up behind me and started pushing me on the swing. I turned around slightly and saw Kendall. He smiled brightly at me and commented, "I missed that smile a lot. In the last few days, I haven't seen you smile a real smile."

I just shook my head slightly and my phone started ringing. I picked it up and realized that it was my mom. She told me that it was time to go home. I just told her that I would be there soon and that I loved her. I also told her that I would see her in about twenty minutes if traffic wasn't too bad and that I was going to stop at the convenience store to get something. She told me that that was fine and that she would see me soon. I just nodded my head and jumped off the swing.

I turned to face the boys and cried, " I have got to go guys. I have to pack and all that and head to the convenience store for some stuff so i gotta get going but I will see you guys tomorrow morning."

They nodded their heads and gave me a group hug. Then I got in my car and left. I quickly got to the convenience store around the corner from the park.

I walked in and got some bleach and auburn hair dye. Once I had my bleach and hair dye, I headed for home. I got to my house in ten minutes and bolted out of my car. I ran into my house and quickly ran up the stairs to my room. I started packing important things such as books, music, clothes and my bathroom things. I had finished within two and a half hours and went down stairs to have my mother dye my hair for me.

She obliged and we bleached, rinsed, dyed it auburn, rinsed and washed it with the dye conditioner. Once my hair was dry, my hair looked like it did when I was in ninth grade. I was my old self again without a care in the world but I still felt like the new me.

My mother broke me out of my thoughts because it was time for dinner. I quickly made myself a plate of food and ate it fast. Once I was done, I headed up the stairs and went to my room. I got dressed for bed and crawled into my comfy bed that I would be without for about a week while the boys would be performing at their concerts but hopefully I would have a comfy bed in the apartment that i was probably going to be staying in at L.A. I snuggled under my sheets and fell asleep quickly thinking of all the fun times me and my best friends would be having in the months to come.

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><p>Leave comments, rate and no bad comments only good ones. Thanks-A<p> 


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